My second attempt to blog and my first post. Something easy for a start... Why to blog? Do I have something to say to people? Is there anyone who will be interested in just another blogger? Let's see..
The reasons I've decided to write down some of my thoughts are:
1. I feel that my life tempo is so fast and hectic, that I forget a lot of my thoughts, ideas, plans etc. So this blog page is basically for me and if some day somebody will be interested in reading and communicating, why not.. Right now I just will be talking to myself through this blog. There is a fun saying - "It's always nice to talk to a smart person" :D Just joking :)
2. I make my brain to work in different way by writing in English, as my mother tongue is Russian and second language is Estonian (now you know something about me :) ). I'll definitely make a lot of mistakes, but I'll learn and after some time I should reach a new level.
3. This blog is kind of my personal notebook or journal, to organize my thoughts, to keep them in mind, to recall something I'll definitely forget after some time, to guide me along the path I'd like to move in my life.
4. At the moment I feel that my writing style is more stiff, could be more flow in it and energy.. may be it is because of the foreign language or may be (and this is more real reason, I guess) I'm kind of stuck in my everyday routine with a 6,5 month old baby (a second little thing you know about me ;) ) and I feel like I want to push myself further, out of my comfort zone. And actually writing was always appealing to me, but I never looked at this seriously, because I didn't believe that I could make any money with that. Now I'm trying to write something, but just for myself, just to keep a contact with my inner me. This is important to me. In a few last years I found out how it's important to me and how much better I can solve any question or situation if I have this connection with my inner me. And this leads to another reason to blog...
5. Take time for myself. As everyone else who has family, husband, kids and work, I feel a lack of free time for myself. But I strongly believe that it is possible to find even 20-30 minutes everyday and do something you like to do. For me it would be yoga, reading, meditating, learning new language (my goal is to learn Portuguese, Italian, French and Spanish and this is a reminder to myself - FIND THIS TIME AND JUST DO IT). ...you know what, this kind of reminder works! Next time my baby girl will have her 30 min nap I'll learn something in Italian! And as it promised in written, there is no way back :)
And blogging is also kind of a way to be with myself, to think, analyze, dream, plan and GET SOME SHIT DONE!
6. Sometimes I like to talk to someone and discuss some topics I find interesting. It could be career, relationships, raising kids, politics, art, movies etc. And again life is not the same when you were alone, without kids and could meet friends everyday and talk about everything for hours. Now my friends have families too, some of us moved (including me) and live outside of the city and our meetings are usually planned ahead and not spontaneous (which is always more fun than anything planned). So blogging is a way to talk about something what is actual for me at any time of a day, to think and analyze. Of course it is not the same as to speak with a real person, it is more like when you play chess alone and change side to make a move for your opponent too. But at least it is something..
By the way I'm not a good blogs reader at all. Basically if I find something interesting, I might read 2-3 posts and then I have no such free time to follow and read more and more. I'm not kind of person who likes to spend all her free time with a laptop. So I'm not sure that I will succeed in blogging but at least I'll try to do something new and different, and as I said, this is more for me than for anybody else. It is a new goal and it gives me some motivation everyday.
Sometime ago I discovered that thinking and writing down my thoughts is a thing that works for me. I hope with this blog I'll train myself to be more persistent, to start and finish projects that interest me. I must admit that many of my ideas or plans were not realized and not because of me being lazy, but probably lack of belief into myself. A pinch of brashness would be useful too. So if I succeed... STOP.. you have to say when I succeed not if I succeed, a completely different meaning for your plan to do something (learnt it from somewhere and believe in the power of this kind of thinking).. So, WHEN I SUCCEED then after some years I can track personal growth and who knows, may be I'll learn something special and can teach something to the others.
Boy, I feel better already :) It's like you stand up in front of a complete mess closet and you take a dress and a skirt and hang them on their place. This kind of feeling, as some thoughts in my head were organized and some space is cleared and you just want to continue until everything is in order and some kind of calmness will set in. By the way, I'm not a tidiness freak but I work better if the space around me is not messy.
A conclusion to the first post - find and keep contact with my inner me and get some shit done.
Good night!
P.S. I managed to start and finish my first Italian lesson with Duolingo :)
